Beginning…
OK, well, I have been wanting to start blogging for a long time now, but haven’t been sure how to begin, where to begin, what format I should put it in, etc. But, alas, I have decided to just begin and it will evolve as I go. I have known for a while now that I wanted to call this blog “Puzzle Pieces” because it is all about discovering the puzzle pieces of my life and seeing how they all fit together. I have hundreds of pages of journal pages I have used to process my life, my thoughts, my feelings, my relationships and this is why I didn’t know how to begin this blog. I suppose my greatest intention for wanting to blog is the reason that all writers write; in hopes that my story, my thoughts, my insights and perceptions might help someone else not feel alone in their own journey.
It is always amazing to me how things happen and come together. Life is endlessly fascinating and interesting to me in how we are brought to the things we need to learn lessons about. Patterns emerge in relationships that are trying to teach us the lessons we needed to learn since childhood. Life brings challenges to open up our eyes and so we see what we need to face and how we need to grow. I live my life in this everyday consciousness trying not to miss a sign.
My feet have been hurt a lot lately. Firstly from nursing hormones after giving birth to my second child which left my ligaments so loose that every time I sat for a little while and stood up the pain was so intense. But, also, I have been banging them a lot lately on things and hurting them. I am thinking this might be a sign that I am not grounded right now and I know that is true.
It is interesting that I am beginning this blog now when I don’t feel grounded. I felt very grounded about a year and a half ago and then pregnancy, childbirth, acclimating life with two little ones, sleep deprivation and financial stress have left me feeling rather fraid round the edges. But, the one thing I think that keeps me at least slightly grounded is the knowledge that it is just this moment that things are like this. The basic tenant of Buddhism is that life is every changing and in the acceptance of this there is peace. Even to the end that as quickly as one can feel enlightened is as quickly as one can feel unenlightened. I have learned not to put too much weight or worry on my unenlightened moments or ungrounded moments and ride out the wave knowing this too shall pass.
I have always been a very open person and laid my life out for others to witness baring no shame or embarrassment because I know everyone has their own set of garbage to deal with and life is life. So, to that end my story is about growing up in an extremely chaotic household with parents full of enormous love and good intentions but riddled with their own misery caused by manic/depression (my mother) and depression (my father). Pulling the pieces apart and seeing the connections to the present and putting it all together is the key to moving forward. Or, at least, it has been for me. And so I will put it all out here and blog about my journey, in the present, in the moment, but with references to the past. Putting together the puzzle pieces.
Thanks for listening.
